Diss of the Week

Today over dinner, my dad suggested that maybe I should consider taking a year off work, go travelling and go find a man.

Perspective

Friday night, while listening to others share at small group, I was humbled. Here I was grumbling about all these things and it really it boiled down to me not being able to handle my parents caring about me. How silly does that sound...pretty ungrateful of me. I was reminded that I have a family that loves and cares about me and that is why they are nagging me...I really shouldn't be complaining about it because it's such a blessing to have parents who care. Parts of this verse came to my head at the end of the night..(only parts because I no longer remember it exactly..)

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life--in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

Given that, I'm still very saddened to notice the widening gap between me and the rest of my family on our philosophy, worldview and how that affects our lives; I guess especially with the election coming up, we end up facing decisions on how we think society should be. Ever since becoming a Christian, my views have been very different from the rest of the family. In fact, they're rather appalled at what I have to say sometimes. For them pragmatism, retribution, pure capitalism and convenience to the majority guide their views, which sometimes clash with grace, mercy, compassion and justice to the marginalized. I've been thinking about this verse for the last few days, it's one of the hardest ones to digest; to accept. ..

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn "'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law--a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. (Matt 10:34-37)

As Christ asks us to surrender our lives, I think my relationship to my non-believing family is the hardest thing to 'give up'. Although I think the verse speaks more about times during the tribulation, I see that there is a division. My greatest goal to love God wholly is my family's greatest fear. If Jesus came to my door today and asked me to drop my 'nets' and go follow, would I be able to leave instantly and not turn back? If God tested my faith in of an Abraham-Issac magnitude, will I be able to do it?

Messed Up

Got home at 1:15am today; took a $46 cab ride from King & John St tonight..boy, I bet you my mom must be really really angry..and I guess I deserve it..went out with co-workers to celebrate a going away; (and I was supposed to make it to another one for a friend moving to Melbourne..but didn't make it there). Anyway, we had a good time but I had never called home to tell them that I wasn't going to be home until later. I'm really bad at that..I guess I'm still not used to doing it; or dislike doing it because I was so used to roaming wherever and whenever when I lived on my own in Waterloo; and secondly, I was avoiding the 20 scathing questions and snide remarks from every family member. I think I really find it hard to withstand. So anyway, I was irresponsible - I'm sure they were worried, especially since I didn't drive. Well, this must add to the growing list of being a black sheep. The bad thing is, this is a really bad witness; and was totally avoidable.

I know I'm totally wrong, but I just struggle with being 27 and having to report and call home everytime I stay out past 8pm...it drives me nuts. And it's worse because I get the guilt trip and constant remarks from everyone, which makes me want to be at home even less. It's hard because I was always brought up to be independent; so I like to do my own thing; don't worry about me; I'll take care of myself; these are the values they taught me. Yet now, it seems like their worry for the details in my life are opposing every independent inkling they've ever taught me.

I don't even know what I can do to do 'right' in their eyes. I try, but it just doesn't feel like it's valued as much as being at home...

Ni ge pi gu zhang ni ge tao zhe

Today I met the Mandarin teacher for the first time to talk about learning goals and to learn about her background. It was really cool! She's super nice and approachable; loves to talk; and definitely sounds like a good teacher. She's a Catholic; goes to church every morning! Taught 10 years with the Catholic School Board. She asked us why we wanted to learn Mandarin. She talked a lot, so we didn't really get to explain. I thought about it - if I really wanted to go back to China, I've got to learn the language. How can I tell them why I went there? How can I listen to their lives, hurts, dreams and the cries of their souls? Who Jesus is and what New Life is, and what resurrection is? Hmm, if I get lazy with studying, maybe I should pray harder for the gift of tongues.

And, I'm there with my friend whom I've been talking and praying for since university. I'm hoping I can ask the Mandarin teacher to teach me how to read my Chinese Bible - and maybe I can learn it in Cantonese too. And, the MSI theme song in Mandarin, which is the 1 Cor 13 verse is something I want to learn to read and sing properly too. Hope that there will be a chance to do it; there seems to be a lot of elements here for opportune times for the Gospel to be shared and heard - and it just prayer to have it all come together - in His perfect will!

For those who know me, my prayer request is for me to try to be a better witness at home - my family is upset that I've again joined something that will take me away from 'being at home'...I wonder if this time I've stepped off the fine line of between honouring my parents, and following God...and sometimes I wonder if I've already veered way off and have been walking on the wrong side - please pray for patience, for which I am lacking...thanks!

Addicted

fresh toasted bread, perfectly yellow, fluffy scrambled EGGGSSS, smoked Canadian ham, bacon and melted cheeses...fresh bananas, sliced strawberries, grapes, blueberries, rasberries poured over warm crepes and waffles...all brought to you lovingly by WHODACHUMP!

I love Cora's...I think I can eat it everday! I think I'll hold my imaginary wedding banquet there one day...and have my imaginary kids' birthday parties there, and maybe instruct in my last will and testament that my funeral party is to be held there too! And rightly so - if I were to eat it as much as I wish, the grease intake from that food will probably be my cause of death!

That's how much I love Cora's.

Anyone out there with me??

Election Chart

I think everyone in this blog circle has probably seen this off of Whodachump's or Princess Jasy's xanga / blog sites, but here it is again...

A few people pooled some resources together to summarize the platforms of each national party on the major issues. There's also a column that asks some questions to help us think critically on the effects of some of the platforms, as well as to assess them in context of peace, justice and reconciliation.

Enjoy - Election Chart

Who to vote for??

Here's an interesting site that asks a series of multiple choice questions on various issues...your scoring suggests the party that most matches your answers...enjoy!

Politics Watch

There's a biography link off the site and I noticed that no one had a stated religion except Paul Martin, who's a Roman Catholic, although that doesn't necessarily drive the party's values.

Time Magazine in it's "The Faith Factor" article reported that 28% of the 1280 polled Americans thought that it was very important that the presidential candidate be a religious person (42% for Bush voters)...I have a feeling that it's much lower in Canada.

Bible memory

I realized that I've pretty much lost memory of all the verses I had memorized before. Last Sunday's passage was on Joshua 1:8; one of the verses I still kinda remember; but it's fading...knowing God's word off by heart was so cool because they would just come up at the right times during the day - be it a quick rebuke straight from God, or an encouragement, or when talking to someone, it was intertwined with thought and prayer. Now I can only think of the gist of it...and it does the Living Word absolutely no justice! I think I'm going to pick up those Bible memory cards that I got from Lloyd in grade 11 and start memorizing again. I really miss it. Cell group in UW CCF used to do it every week - we made it a game - it was really good accountability. I've really been lacking in discipline lately - too unfocused...

Ok, this week's verse will be..I'm gonna start with Joshua 1:8-9

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Closest Thing to Crazy

Kate Melua version (not Brittany!) - I really like this song - she's great. I realize I have an affinity towards melancholy in music. These songs don't necessarily make people sad, I think it's just a venue for us to remember the grave things in our lives and listening to it allows us to dwell in it...I think I'm gonna get her CD tomorrow, I'm between that and Joss Stone (who? Joan Jett? Janis Joplin??..Bullpen Larry dying at Ry, now I appreciate it - thanks!)...great voices from the UK..

How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet
How can happiness feel so wrong
How can misery feel so sweet
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do
How can I have got in so deep
Why did I fall in love with you

[CHORUS:]
This is the closest thing to crazy
I have ever been
Feeling 22, acting 17,
This is the nearest thing to crazy
I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own:
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.
How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn from you
How can anyone feel so wild
How can anyone feel so blue

[CHORUS]
This is the closest thing to crazy
I have ever been
Feeling 22, acting 17,
This is the nearest thing to crazy
I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own:
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.

Diss of the week...

The person that I've been training to take over my product for revenue analysis just quit after 6 weeks with the company because he was overwhelmed and stressed....apparently it was his worst 6 weeks ever...whoops...

Gut Rot

ughagh...i feel so gross! this was my nutritious diet today:
- Breakfast - Coffee
- Lunch - Soup + Salad (I was good!)
- And then... - Fudgecicle (because it was free)
- Dinner - Muffin + Popcorn

i feel sooooooooooooooooooooooo sick...

On the topic of gross food, let's talk Street Meat (hot dogs hot dogs)...I vow to find the *best* street dog vendor in the downtown core this summer!

Suggestions anyone?

So far:

Location: SE corner of King & John
Type of meat: not too sure; could be all beef..but a bit too rubbery
Condiments Pluses: corn relish, bacon bits, Asian hot sauce, Dijon moutard
Pros: Grape Crush, GRAPE CRUSH!!!!
Cons: Cheap on napkins; no box tray, no fresh tomatoes or lettuce

I can't believe I'm missing the Lakers game for this dumb blog..home time!!!!

Oh Lord You're beautiful
Your face is all I seek
For when Your eyes are on this child
Your grace abounds to me

I want to take Your Word
And shine it all around
But just help me first to live it Lord
And when I'm doing well
Help me to never seek a crown
For my reward is giving glory unto You

Oh Lord please light the fire
That once burned bright and clear
Replace the lamp of my first love
That burned with holy fear

I want to take Your Word
And shine it all around
But just help me first to live it Lord
And when I'm doing well
Help me to never seek a crown
For my reward is giving glory unto You

This morning as I was driving past Bay & Lakeshore, I saw and old familiar face; he was a homeless man who used to sit on Bay street - right before the underpass south of Front St. I used to see him everyday when I parked at the Lakeshore parking lot. He's a really nice man; very polite, thankful and you can just carry a conversation with him and he'd tell you about his life. Sometimes he would be really neatly dressed, and other days, you'd see him quite roughed up. Today, he looked roughed up and he was standing under the Gardiner. At first, my reaction was hey! I know him! Then came sadness - hey, he's still here. There's lots of familiar homeless people; the lady who sits very still on Richmond - I think she's been there for at least 5 years; Once I saw the same man I met in the Out of the cold program 4 years ago; sleeping outside City Hall. He was an avid reader. Today as I was driving, God challenged me again - what have I done for the least of His brothers lately? Sometimes I see these faces so often, it becomes mundane and it no longer hits me; but today God asked me again to look through His eyes and be pained as He is pained.

I used to always ask myself when I saw a homeless person sleeping on a vent - I wonder what they aspired to be when they were a child...would they have ever imagined that they would be here today?

I wonder what their kindergarten teacher wrote on their report card when they were 5.

Church Happenings

I don't think this will make it into Monchken's sermon notes blog; but..all I remember for today was..

being flashed in the church gym by Psycho girl..

She was quite good at it; the whole cardigan/trenchcoat bit too...

priceless indeed..

Sentimental fool...

Sentimental fool...

I was cleaning out my desk and came across all my old report cards from years past..they're so funny to read..

June, 1983 - Percy Williams Junior Public School:

(on intellectual development) - "...She was able to write her own stories for her Zoo Book and could spell many of the words phonetically. The one omission she regularly makes is the article (the, a, an). She does this in her oral language too."

I think I must have spoke with a Chinese accent like my parents when i was 5....

..ok, this one kills me too; what the heck was i doing as a child..?

"...she seems to appreciate her own sense of humour too - she has a certain way of looking out of the corner of her eye at a listener when she was saying something mischievious"

i just find this so amusing; it's almost like being psycho-analyzed as a child; and it's interesting to read these to see how much has changed; or not changed...

haha

Church and State

This topic kept on coming up this week with various people..perhaps sparked from Sunday's sermon where the congregation was encouraged to vote and to be knowledgeable about whom and what they were voting for. Funny, Christians have so many divergent views on Church and State - is it appropriate to meld the two; or even mention any politics on the pulpit? Personally, I thought it was a fair comment - as Christians who make up part of this society, we should vote; well, I think all Canadians should vote...it's our civil duty.. I've flipped flopped on church and state; the days of Stockwell Day actually made me really nervous..always thinking; oh no, a professing Christian; I wonder how he'll screw up in the public eye now to bring shame on all of us..and so I suppose it was out of fear that I didn't support him (well among other things). I wonder if most people who reject church & state being 'in bed' together reject it on grounds that the state will corrupt the church; or that religion will corrupt society...funny..how ironic...but i guess history proved it true to a degree..i certainly wouldn't want to be living in the dark ages; where popes could declare war; and fund it through tithing. Although I think it was politics that corrupted the church; that in turn corrupted society. now that i realize that i'm in a circular argument with myself, i'm going to stop.

I think I just need to understand other Christians' reasons for being uneasy about the Church, well Christians really, being a part of politics...I don't really get it..could we even separate ourselves from the rest of society and daily life that is so affected by political decisions?; unless we secluded ourselves, but that wouldn't be God's purpose for us w/r/t the great commisssion. We certainly pray for our leaders; to make good decisions; etc...(though sometimes I wonder when we prayed, did we even know what 'good decisions' meant? i.e. Godly? Practical? Utilitarian? Fair?) So where do we draw the line? Should we lobby the government to voice Christian views? Should we try to write letters to them to tell our MPs about what God's holy standards are and try to encourage society towards it through laws? Where do we draw the line..is it good enough that we just pray vaugely for our leaders during service?

anyway, just rambling before bedtime..goodnight!

on a diff note; I just ran spysweeper on my computer 2 weeks ago and cleared out 1500 traces of spyware and 68 software installed; i just ran it now and it found 28 software and 31 traces..what the heck?

living vicariously through others..

wow, i really got the royal treatment today! it was actually nice! my co-workers took me out for lunch; bought me a cake; I got some shout outs from people I haven't talked to in a while, and, the Lakers won! (but too bad for the Flames).

So anyway, I feel compelled to share about how *great* my co-worker's boyfriend is. He is the super-star boyfriend. I mean S-U-P-E-R-S-T-A-R! I don't even know his name; she prefers to keep him mysterious. He's been sending her flowers every other week ever since VDay. So today she told him that we were going out for lunch to celebrate. 2pm, a HUGE bouquet of flowers come to the office; and it's addressed to both of us. We were all kind of dumbfounded because this bouquet, if you carried it, you wouldn't be able to see wher eyou're going. He bought a giant bouquet of flowers for her, and for me because I'm her friend and it was my birthday! I've never met him, never talked to him, don't even know his name! Anyway, I don't think I know anyone, even in the most ideal-hypothetical situation who would do this for his girlfriend's unknown friend.
Yes, most guys would be shaking their head in disgust and dismissing it as suck-up points for the girl; but hey, you know what? It works...hahaha....it was the biggest bouquet of flowers i've ever gotten...ironically it came from someone elses bf...living vicariously through others..sweet!