Compromised

Starting at around 6:30pm today, I started to feel my frustration burst out of my head. I was pretty mad, but I can't say I was mad at anything in particular. Now thinking about it, I guess it's really at myself - for my stupidity in making all the wrong decisions this past weekend and compromising on God. We've been going pretty hard at work because of additional reporting to new management, and because it's quarter-end results time. So there was a huge push to get everything done by the weekend, despite our warnings to the director that it was impossible, since we're still short head-count and everyone is still doing 2+ people's jobs. So naturally, it's pretty dumb to expect us to do more, faster.

Given that goal, I was really hoping to get everything done so that I can make my committments this weekend, given that I had already missed ultimate frisbee on Monday, Mandarin lessons on Tuesday (and I only made part of the TCM meeting on Tuesday). I also ended up staying late on Friday to do more work, thus I missed Bible study with small group. Saturday, because we had to go in, I had to miss the last training meeting for MSI before the team departed for CN. But I had ressolved to see them during the prayer meeting on Sunday night, which was more beneficial.

Our 'deadline' was Sunday noon to finish all our analysis. I struggled with it all Saturday night - how am I going to finish it all in time if I went to church? I can't go to church and leave early to go to the MSI prayer meeting on Sunday. So I prayed about it, confessed it to God that I was going to miss service and finish off my work to get reviewed, so that I could go to the 7pm prayer meeting. We had an ultimate frisbee practice Sunday afternoon too, though I didn't really know that it was going to happen, I really wanted to go and learn how to play properly.

It's now 10pm, and I'm still at work. So yes, I've also missed the MSI prayer meeting. And, none of the managers nor the director came in today to actually review the work. Why am I here? I've compromised God - and worked on the Sabbath - I hate breaking the Sabbath, even though I end up doing it a lot. Now that I'm still trying to complete all this work, I am again making resolutions to not miss next week's committments, otherwise I will never get out of this cycle.

I guess this is more a lack of faith on God more than anything. I should have honoured Him by standing firm on things that shouldn't be compromised. Put God first before anything, He will deliver - even if it doesn't seem practical, or feasible. His load is easy to carry. I can do anything through Him who gives me strength. I'm not the most reliable person in the world (okay, that's the understatement of the year), but most of the time, I've come to understand that you can't please everyone; certain things have to give. This time, the wrong thing gave; this time I did not try to please God. Sigh..

I need to put this back up on my computer screen! Had it for while I was working at Uncle E's, since I always needed the reminder:

Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

enuff of this - home time to do some long awaited devos!