Messed Up

Got home at 1:15am today; took a $46 cab ride from King & John St tonight..boy, I bet you my mom must be really really angry..and I guess I deserve it..went out with co-workers to celebrate a going away; (and I was supposed to make it to another one for a friend moving to Melbourne..but didn't make it there). Anyway, we had a good time but I had never called home to tell them that I wasn't going to be home until later. I'm really bad at that..I guess I'm still not used to doing it; or dislike doing it because I was so used to roaming wherever and whenever when I lived on my own in Waterloo; and secondly, I was avoiding the 20 scathing questions and snide remarks from every family member. I think I really find it hard to withstand. So anyway, I was irresponsible - I'm sure they were worried, especially since I didn't drive. Well, this must add to the growing list of being a black sheep. The bad thing is, this is a really bad witness; and was totally avoidable.

I know I'm totally wrong, but I just struggle with being 27 and having to report and call home everytime I stay out past 8pm...it drives me nuts. And it's worse because I get the guilt trip and constant remarks from everyone, which makes me want to be at home even less. It's hard because I was always brought up to be independent; so I like to do my own thing; don't worry about me; I'll take care of myself; these are the values they taught me. Yet now, it seems like their worry for the details in my life are opposing every independent inkling they've ever taught me.

I don't even know what I can do to do 'right' in their eyes. I try, but it just doesn't feel like it's valued as much as being at home...